What do we do when someone does wrong by us?

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What do we do when someone does the wrong thing by us?

When their ability to make excuses for themselves is endless and you realise you cannot penetrate the protective and dedicated thought processes that are programmed to ensure the ‘self’ gets what it wants?

You breathe and notice the sensations in the body.

You lick your wounds and re-calibrate.  You acknowledge that you have been wounded, not seen, and you take care of that wounded part with tenderness, whilst trying to ensure that it does not take over everything you look at.  

You try not to withdraw from the world.

And you breathe and notice the sensations in the body.

You try not to have your situation take global meaning, you try not to believe that all men/women are like this.  

You remind yourself of the good, wonderful, caring people you have met along your way.  All those people who have done the ‘right’ thing by you.  You notice the kindness that is all around you in this moment.

And you breathe and notice the sensations in the body.

You stick to the facts and be curious about your interpretation of the facts.  What motives are you ascribing to the one who hurt you?

And you breathe and notice the sensations in the body.

You share your feelings with good friends, asking them to help you find your blind side, help you find the learning opportunities in this moment.

You shift your attention away from the one who wounded you, while reminding yourself that you can’t change anyone else, particularly not if they are bent on being blind to their own behaviour.

You acknowledge that you are not perfect either and be curious about whether you display and experience the same ‘flaws’ as those you identify in the other.

And you breathe and notice the sensations in the body.

You examine what you could have done differently to minimise the chance of this reoccuring. You use the situation to clarify how you would like to be in the world. How has this situation informed you?  What does it say about what you do want to be? What does it say about what you never want to be?

Remind yourself that when relationships bring you joy, it is a blessing. Remind yourself that when they don’t, they offer an opportunity for more consciousness.

You breathe and you breathe and you breathe.

With Love,


Charlotte Thaarup-Owen

Charlotte Thaarup-Owen is an internationally experienced consultant and transformative educator. She facilitates mindfulness and mindfulness based workshops both locally and abroad. She is trained in Jon Kabat-Zinn’s Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) and is an accredited Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner. Charlotte is a mediator and coach with over 20 years experience in facilitating change and personal and interpersonal development. Charlotte is a public speaker, does mindfulness coaching as well as training and has produced the “Ten Minute Wonders”, a meditation CD.

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